in the beginning, in the time before the ancestors, in the time of the grandfathers, in the dreamtime, the people did not know what to eat. they didn’t know becos no one had told them, so how could they know? they just ate things they found. they ate rocks and they ate sticks and they ate dead things and living things and wet things and dry things and green things and black things. sometimes, the things they ate made them sick and sometimes, somebody would eat something and then die, but mostly they managed to survive, tho’ not very well. they were always hungry and weak, huddling around, naked and cold and afraid, becos they also didn’t know how to make fire or how to wear clothes or anything, really. they stayed huddled around in a clearing in the forest, hungry and cold and naked and weak and afraid of the monsters that roamed around in the forest. they didn’t know what to do about the monsters. there wasn’t a goddammed thing they could do about the monsters, so they just didn’t go into the forest, except occasionally, if somebody forgot about the monsters they might wander off into the forest and usually those idiots didn’t come back, but sometimes somebody would somehow, dumb luckily, manage to stumble their way back and they were always real upset and freaked out about the monsters and damn glad to be back in the clearing, not that the clearing was so great, or so much safer than the farrest, truth be told, becos sometimes a monster or three would just sashay right on into the clearing and eat somebody and make a big mess, but the clearing was what they had and where they’d always been and they were used to it so there it was and it was what it was and it was all pretty fuckin’ miserable, but that’s what it was. the people couldn’t do any better ‘cause they didn’t know any better. goddam. it was awful. and that was how it was and all they knew. the people didn’t know whither they’d come from or what was to become of them and they were too dumb to do anything about either one either way anyway.
well, that went on for a while. nobody was counting days becos nobody knew to, so how long it was nobody knows, but it was long enough for everybody to just be sick of it. there was a lotta pissin’ and moanin’ goin’ on about how awful it was and one day, this one girl got so danged sick of the whole mess she couldn’t stand it one bit longer and she just up and walked away. just got right on up and walked straight away from the huddled-up , naked, pissin’, moanin’ bunch of ‘em and on off into the farrest. well, that was a surprise. nobody seen that comin’. nobody really knew what to make of that. she’d always been a regular gal, just regular folks like everybody else and then she got up and walked right on off like that. holy shite. people was kinda sorry to see her go on account of she was so pretty and like that, so pretty, in all honesty, that it made people sorta uncomfortable, especially the young men. when they got around her, they got all weird and bothered and they had some kinda vagueish idea that they oughta be doin’ something but nobody knew what they were s’posed to be doin’ so they just felt uncomfortable so they mostly just avoided her. but aside from bein’ a looker, she’d never been unusual, so it was real strange that she up and walked off like that and everybody looked at the place in the forest whence she gone into the forest at when she went into the forest and then some people forgot what they were looking at and ate some stuff that was on the ground and then some wet stuff started falling on them and they all huddled up and felt sorry for themselves.
now, the girl who got up and walked off into the forest, she thought better of that pretty much right away, but then there was wet stuff fallin’ on her and then she forgot how to get back and then she walked some more and wandered a bit and ate some stuff that didn’t make her feel any better and by then she was about as lost as she was ever gonna get. she woulda cussed but she didn’t know any cuss words. just as well, it wouldn’t’ve done any fuckin’ good anyway. so she wandered and wandered and ate things and fell down and skunned up her knees and when it got dark she just huddled up alone where she was and felt real sorry for herself ‘til it wasn’t dark anymore and then went back to the whole wanderin’ thing she’d gotten herself into. there were monsters, oh shit yeah, but she managed to dumb luck herself outta their way and the ones that did see her had mostly just eaten something or someone else and wasn’t hungry so they didn’t bother with her. so she just kept wanderin’ and nothin’ she could do about the monsters anyway but for to be afraid and occasionally piss on her own feets and that wasn’t much.
and sooner or later, she wandered into a clearing between forest on some sides and more of the same on other sides and a big lump of ground on the remainder. it wasn’t the ol’ homeplace, but it was a clearing and therefore somewhat familiar, tho’ somewhat lacking in misery and company. whilst she was standing there doing the best she could with what little brainage she had to contemplate this new development, a monster came sashayin’ into the clearing on the side opposite the lump o’ ground and holy shite, the girl actually did somethin’ at that point that was just about the most genius fuckin’ thing anybody’d ever done: she made some attempt to get away from the monster by turning and walking straight into the side of the lump of ground where there happened to have been just at the moment she walked into it an opening of sorts like as if a lump of ground had a mouth and the mouth opened up and that is what she walked into.
dark. and then more of the same and that in all directions except for straight behind whence was the opening like a mouth which is what she’d walked into, but that got blocked up right quick by the monster what had seen her walk into the lump of ground and wanted to follow her to eat her, but which was also too big to fit into the opening like a mouth that she’d walked into in the lump of ground. dark and dark and then even darker when the monster completely blocked the opening and by then the dark was all the same so the girl walked straight on until she ran into dark that was harder than the rest and couldn’t go no further and that’s when she just huddled up alone with herself to feel sorry for herself about it all.
and t’was then that she perceived the presence of an other in the darkness and the other drew near to her and spoke unto her and the sounds of the speaking of the other made no sense to her but she was comforted and she wanted the warmth of the other which pressed upon her and filled her with its presence until she slept and her sleeping was warm and she was not afraid nor cold nor did she feel sorry for herself during the timelessness of that sleeping.
but she did awake and when she did awake, she was alone and cold and somewhat confused and time passed by in the dark and no way of knowing the time. she lived alone in the dark and ate the things that crawled on her and the things her hands happened to touch when she put them down and that must’ve been good enough for she got fatter and fatter and fatter there in the dark. she could feel the middle of her getting bigger all the time and that was really fuckin’ weird for her. weirder still when her insides started movin’ around and thumpin’ and jumpin’ and she didn’t know what to do but rub her middle and moan, but truth be told, there was somethin’ she liked about the feelings she felt at the time tho’ she didn’t understand it or nothin’ and so her moaning was of a different sort, other than the plain ol’ just miserable, sorry for yerself kinda moaning she was used to, as it had a pleasantness also and was more sometimes of a cooing persuasion than so much of a moaning. so she moaned and cooed and rubbed her growing belly and it was dark all around her, but not so terrible as it mighta been.
and meanwhile, as she was getting’ fatter and fatter and cooing, there in the dark, the monster that’d been the initial cause of her goin’ in there in the first place was waiting outside and waiting and waiting and getting leaner and more and more hungry and just goddammed pissed off that she wasn’t comin’ out to be eaten. the monster’d hunkered down to wait and for shit’s sake, that monster was waiting. surely, the girl’d be coming outta the hole at some point was the general gyst of what the monster was thinkin’ and at that point, the monster planned on eating her, but she was taking forfuckingever to come out. time went by unreckoned and the monster waited and got hungrier and leaner and bonier and on and so, until it got skinny enough that it figgered it could just shove on into the hole and get the girl and eat her and be done and quit with the whole affair. so, begorrah, that’s what the monster did. just shoved on into the hole.
which upset the fat girl quite a bit. she’d pretty much gotten used to the dark and forgot what she wasn’t having which was something other than dark and she’d gotten right accustomed to eating stuff that crawled on her and sure it was cold, but it stayed right about the same amount of cold so that was dependable and then this shit had to go down. that monster, oh yeah, forgot all about that. ‘s’why she was there in the first place, oh yeah. so now what? she tried to do what she’d done before which’d worked pretty good for her which was go the direction that the monster was most not in but that didn’t work becos that way was too hard to walk thru and then her insides just decided to come out. just like that. bam. hurt like nothin’ she had to compare hurtin’ to. hurt so bad she couldn’t even feel sorry for herself and while the monster was shovin’ it’s self thru the opening like a mouth in the lump of ground and she coulda woulda shoulda been doin’ something, anything, even if it was just piss on her own feet, she wasn’t becos she was all laid up on the floor giving the first birth that’d ever been. she strained and she strove and she birthed out the first baby and it was a boy baby and it hollered out in the dark “MA! MA! MAAAAAA!” and wriggled and crawled up on the girl tryin’ to find her breast and she wasn’t any help at all becos she didn’t know what was happening and she was somewhat distracted by the fact that she was at the same exact time giving the second birth that’d ever been. she strove and strained and she birthed out the second baby that’d ever been and this’un was a girl baby and it also hollered out “MA! MA! MAAAAAA!” and started crawling and wriggling up trying to find a breast and finding that one taken had to go look for another.
well, wasn’t that some something, huh?
well, both of the babes got latched on and got to suckin’ and this being right and proper and well and good, they got themselves filled with the food they needed and they growed right quick and sussed out the situation with the impending monster and no route of escape and something had to be done about it or their lives be ended when they’d just then got begun. the girl baby bein’ closer to the monster, she unfastened herself and made to defend her dear ol’ ma, but she weren’t but a wee lass and the monster being somewhat larger just swiped a clawed paw and slapslashed her across the face, flinged her off to one side and outta the melee for the duration and kept a-comin’. the boy baby, seein’ that this monster t’weren’t one to be messed with empty-handed sought about for a weapon of some kind ‘r an other, but the pickin’s were limited to only rocks, one of which and of a fairly decent size he picked up and seeing as he was looking down that he had a penis, of which his sister did not have one, he tied his about the rock and begun to swing it, his penis, which by the weight of the rock was stretched and elongated until quickly enough, he was able to swing the rock about and around and get a good swing and make a solid connection with the rock on the head of the monster which stove its skull in and caused its brains to be smashed and to squirt outta its ears and killed it deader’n shit and made a big fucking mess.
goddamn, wasn’t that a relief. monster all dead. nice work, boy.
“i have killed the monster”, is what the boy had to say about it.
and hearing the boy say something, the girl whom had given him and his sister their births decided she was gonna say something too, which she never never had done before, but which she then did anyway, to wit: “aye, you have killed it, the monster, and so i will give you a name and the name that i will give you will be the name monster killer”.
now stood up the girl baby and her face was all tore up and disfiggered and she said, “and i, ma, what is to be the name you will give me?”
“i will give you the name disfigured face on account of your face was disfigured by the monster which your brother killed.”
“yeah, i killed it with a rock tied to my penis, which is a thing i’ll not do again on account of it ain’t the proper use for a penis and it hurt really, really, really bad much. from now on, i will kill monsters with a rock tied to the end of a stick for that is the proper weapon for killing monsters but i didn’t have a stick handy at the moment, so i had to use my penis which wasn’t proper and i won’t do that again.”
well, then they all sat down to see what they were gwine to do next and ma got to thinkin’ and said “i’m sorry you chilluns growed up so fast. i’d’ve liked to have ya’ll small for a bit longer so’s i could’ve enjoyed ya’ll bein’ little’uns and cuddlin’ ya more.” and monster killer and disfigured face agreed that this would’ve been a better thing and they decided that this was how it would always be in the future when other little babies were born, that they should be babies for longer and grow up gradually not all in the blink of an eye.
and then they decided to go outside, out of the dark and away from the monster that had been killed and to see what kind of day it was and weather or not wet stuff was falling and when they went outside into the clearing outside, they found that it was the clearing where all the people were, all huddled up together like they always had been, naked and cold and miserable and afraid and weak from not knowing what to eat and feeling sorry for themselves and ma and monster killer and disfigured face told the people what had happened.